"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."
Proverbs 28:13
Definition of prosper:
1 : to succeed in an enterprise or activity; especially : to achieve economic success
2 : to become strong and flourishing
transitive verb: to cause to succeed or thrive
To SUCCEED!! Yes... Now thats what I am talking about!!! This little verse says volumes to me...
This week I was faced with the reality of my past... And to be honest with you... I didn't handle it as well as I should have... at first anyway... Within a 10 minute phone convesation I went through my past as though I was there living it again... The thoughts of old flashed brightly in front of me... REGRESSING... or so I thought... the thoughts of how my very existence was a terrible burden to everyone... I seem to do nothing but bring pain to everyone I love or care about... It was ALL my fault... I was the only one who could change it... and until I changed... (I was being told this and even getting caught up in believing it)... Then... BANG!!! It hit me!!! Change!!! I AM CHANGED!!! I may not be who I need to be... but I sure am not who I was!!! I am CHANGING... right at this very moment!!! God reminded me of my vision of the goat... it's big eyes looking up at me as a multitude of hands were laid on it... it's eyes first pleading for help... then panic... then turning wild... loosing all control and wildly trying to break loose... running into the woods... banging into the trunks of the trees...
20"When Aaron has finished making atonement for the Most Holy Place, the Tent of Meeting and the altar, he shall bring forward the live goat. 21He is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites~ ALL THEIR SINS~ and put them on the goat's head. He shall send the goat away into the desert in care of a MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK. 22The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and THE MAN shall release it in the desert."
Letiticus 16:20-22
SCAPEGOAT!!!!
I AM NOT A GOAT SO I BETTER QUIT ACTING LIKE ONE!!!
If I take on the sins of everyone... duh... I AM NOT THE MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK!!! And if I try to be... for one I will be that wild goat banging into trees... and two what am I saying to my Father who created me... and to His Son... who by the way was... is... and will always be the MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK!!!
Thank-you JESUS!!! Yes!!! I have Jesus!!! Unlike before, my eyes are open... I know He did this for me... I never was, am not, nor will be the scapegoat!!! How crazy!!! How insane!!! Really, think about it... can it be possible to sin by taking on everyone's sin?.... Oh, PaPa I am so sorry for making it all about me, for taking on a task that was never meant for me, for trying to be more than I am. And words cannot say how awsome you are... how greatful I am that You gave Your only Son for the task... how greatful I am that You, Jesus gave Your life for us... For opening my eyes to see... I have You!!!... If I did not I would be that goat... the pittiful drunk... looking for love in all the wrong places... trying to end my life... turning to the worlds way for comfort... back to the hell... NO!!!!
Your Mercy... OH YOUR MERCY... YOUR MERCY IS ENOUGH!!! Your Mercy falls over Your children... over me... the sheep who was lost... but now is found!!! Father, God open our eyes to see... we are not goats... give us the strength we need to quit acting like one! To succeed... to prosper!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
More Powerful than hell!
With Easter just passing... I... like most people tend to think a little more on His death and resurrection with a little more intensity... The thoughts of how much He did for us becomes so overwhelming that I am brought to tears... o.k. I know that doesn't take much... well over the last few months the Holy Spirit has really been working on me with understanding His true power and greatness...
17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches if His glorios inheritance in the saints, 19 and HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER for us who believe. That POWER is like the working of HIS MIGHTY STRENGTH, 20 WHICH HE EXERTED IN CHRIST WHEN HE RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD...
Ephesians 1:17~20a
You know how you can know something... even know it well... or so you think... and then BAM!!!! God just knocks you up side the head with a new revelation of it?.. Or even refreshes something you have forgotten... Well thats what happened!! He revealed to me HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER!! Last year at this time He showed me a smidgen of the hurt and pain that Christ felt at the time He cried out "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"... the thoughts of that... He was ALWAYS with the Father... and the Father was ALWAYS with Him... then suddenly they were parted... overwhelming thoughts... ones I know I can not truly fully comperhend... and then this year... He asked softly... "Do you know and truly understand the power it took to reach into hell and pull Him, My son, Christ Jesus out?" WHO? WHO can do that?!? OUR FATHER!!! Thats WHO!! He is the ONLY one with that power!!! Satan and his followers won't even be able to do that!! WOW... what more can be said?... HE DID THIS FOR US!!! AMEN!! PRAISE BE TO GOD!!! With the power to reach into the depths of hell to save us!! TO HIM ALL THE PRAISE AND GLORY!!! YES!!! His power is that great!!! And I am HIS... Satan and his followers CAN'T touch me!! Sould my physical body parish... I get to go home with my Father!! PaPa reveal Your power to us... open our eyes to Your incomparable greatness... filling us with with Your confidence... and strength to take our stand against the enemy!! With You for us... who or what can be against us? What hold can death or even hell have over us? Oh.... what can express the graditude... I feel...
17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches if His glorios inheritance in the saints, 19 and HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER for us who believe. That POWER is like the working of HIS MIGHTY STRENGTH, 20 WHICH HE EXERTED IN CHRIST WHEN HE RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD...
Ephesians 1:17~20a
You know how you can know something... even know it well... or so you think... and then BAM!!!! God just knocks you up side the head with a new revelation of it?.. Or even refreshes something you have forgotten... Well thats what happened!! He revealed to me HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER!! Last year at this time He showed me a smidgen of the hurt and pain that Christ felt at the time He cried out "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"... the thoughts of that... He was ALWAYS with the Father... and the Father was ALWAYS with Him... then suddenly they were parted... overwhelming thoughts... ones I know I can not truly fully comperhend... and then this year... He asked softly... "Do you know and truly understand the power it took to reach into hell and pull Him, My son, Christ Jesus out?" WHO? WHO can do that?!? OUR FATHER!!! Thats WHO!! He is the ONLY one with that power!!! Satan and his followers won't even be able to do that!! WOW... what more can be said?... HE DID THIS FOR US!!! AMEN!! PRAISE BE TO GOD!!! With the power to reach into the depths of hell to save us!! TO HIM ALL THE PRAISE AND GLORY!!! YES!!! His power is that great!!! And I am HIS... Satan and his followers CAN'T touch me!! Sould my physical body parish... I get to go home with my Father!! PaPa reveal Your power to us... open our eyes to Your incomparable greatness... filling us with with Your confidence... and strength to take our stand against the enemy!! With You for us... who or what can be against us? What hold can death or even hell have over us? Oh.... what can express the graditude... I feel...
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I am a "testimony" to His great love!!!
Where would I be if it were not for Christ? The following list is not made to get pitty or sympathy... just to state facts to establish the grand plan of it all...
In the last 4 years my family has been through some major life changes:
Our older son Lance, moved away from home... not a leaving the nest thing... but with anger and bitterness (my mother took us to court... March 14th, 2006... Lance's Birthday)... dropped out of school... dated a girl and getting her pregnant... more on that later.
My last attempt on my life was October 28th, 2006... right before my fathers passing... Had I not been so drunk I would had shot myself (I couldn't load the gun.)...
My biological father... (we had been astranged by circumstances out of our control)... had heart surgery and came to live with us... he pasted away December 21st, 2006...in our home.
January 20th, 2007 I was delievered from depression... I woke up the next day and for the first time that I could remember I didn't want to die... my family said there was a physical change... I even quit drinking... along with a lot of other things.
At the end of Febuary, 2007, my cousin had gotten herself in some trouble with drugs and DHS took her children... 4 girls... two stated with their father... the younger 2 we didn't want to see go into foster care (their father was in prison at the time), so we brought them to our home... this was tuff for my cousin... she came to resent us for it... and since the return of her girls it has been difficult to have any kind of relationship.
Our older son broke up with our grandchild's mother before he was born... he wanted nothing to do with her... or the baby... we did... he was born Sept. 19, 2007... his mother took him back to Arizona when he was two months old.
January 23rd, 2008 I had relapse with drinking... hit the back end of semi... major... God forgave me!! He let me live!!... And in turn I chose to draw even closer to Him.
March 13th, 2008 Mike's company just up and shut its doors... he was able to get job... less pay... gas prices went up... groceries... etc... Fighting to keep up on house payment...
September, 2008 our grandbaby's mom decided to bring him for a visit... after staying with us for a couple of weeks she decided to move back here... later found out it was because of a new boyfriend... who she moved in with... grandson showing signs of abuse... started to keep record... they took off to Florida... 34 days later I got phone call... our grandson had been beat to death... his older brother had witnessed the whole thing...
Like I said I don't bring this up for pitty or sympathy... because... God was with me!!! He did what it was going to take for me to come to the FULL ~ FINAL decision that I want Him... need Him... and I know with the best of my ability that He loves me and I am His!!
I do not yet know the plans God has for our astranged son, or the relationship with my family... But I know He is working it out for the greater good and when it's time he will reveal it to us...
I spent most of my life without a reltionship with my real father, before he past, I was able to spend 6 wonderful weeks with him... I wanted more than anything to be loved by him... and I had spent years believing that he didn't love me... God gave me the time and opportunity to see that differently... And the chance to witness to him... my father turned his life over to Christ before he died... I was there to witness it!
His death forced me over the edge... I hated my life and the fact that I could not seem to end it... I drank and druged to self medicate... I would only sleep a couple of hours at a time... always drug induced... I was tired of being tired!!! I had no other choice but to hand my life over to my Heavenly Father...On January 20th, 2007 I gave God ALL my broken pieces and then He was able to fix me... I went FACEDOWN... Laying at His feet EVERYTHING!!! Do you know that when you have horrible things to face in life you are given the ability to see and know how wonderful the good things are?!!! I thank God He has shown me what it takes to see when I am heading back into a life of ungreatfulness and selfeshness. I feel blessed to see and know Him!! I AM BLESSED!! Do you know what happens to a person when they come to realize they are loved after years and years of not knowing it?
God blessed me with the ability and resources needed to care for my cousins children... and I know He opened doors there that other wise were shut... This too is a part of His great plans... and I continue to pray that eyes be opened and the right choices be made in the lives of my family.
It can still be hard when things pile up... and if you are not careful you can and will end up going back to the old habits of your sinful nature... I know... I have been there... I started my day off like I had everyday for a year... reading devotions with my family and putting on my armor... I even went to prayer group... I had many things on my mind... the girls... my grandson... my cousin... my son... my mother... everything but what I was doing... before I knew it I had been to a least four bars and it had gone from from 11:00am January 22nd to 2:15am January 23rd, 2008... I was leaving a bar talking to a 'friend' of mine who asked if I would be o.k. to drive home... famous last words... 'I am fine'... I got into the van got going down the road and realized what I had done... I cried out to God in tears... told Him I did not want to be here anymore... and I asked Him to do what it would take to get me to stop!! I turned and looked on the passenger seat and there was my bible from earlier... I picked it up in my hand and turn to face the road again... There 10 feet in front of me was a semi stopped at a train track... I was going 55 mph... God said STOP! (I still have my bible... the outside cover missing)... Again God saved my life... I saw miracle after miracle as my body healed... This in itself is a long story... maybe I will share it sometime later...
I have learned that I may not see His grand plan all carried out in someone elses life, I may only be a step towards it... This being the case with our grandchild and his mother... I was give love by God to love her... I still love her... I can only say this because of the love HE has given me... This young man who beat our grandson to death... I truly have no hate for... this only can be because of HIS love for me... My prayers are that his eyes be opened to Gods love for him and the demonic forces around him loose their hold... our grandsons life is worth that... And knowing the blessing that it is that our grandson is no longer suffering from his abuse... he is in the arms of God!! God heard my prayer to do what it would take to keep him safe... He did what it took...
The death of our grandson just took me even deeper into my relationship with the Father...
We are now in present going through a forecloser... God has provided a different home for us... one that is closer to our work and our church family... when this is done we will not have the debt hanging over our heads... God is removing the financial stress we have been under and bringing peace... And I am learning that He can work so much more in my life if I don't have these worldly stresses hanging over my head...
With that said, I now need to work on loosing the 25 pounds I gained when I quit smoking... then I think I may just about be perfect... LOL!!!!! No really... then I pray that I be open to the next thing He wants to change in me... Look how well He has been doing... why would I even want to go back to trying my way...
Oh, Father please continue to do what it takes to keep me in line with your grand plan... And also for my brothers and sisters in you... giving us the strength to get through the facts of our lives and look towards the grand plans You have for our lives... Amen!!!
In the last 4 years my family has been through some major life changes:
Our older son Lance, moved away from home... not a leaving the nest thing... but with anger and bitterness (my mother took us to court... March 14th, 2006... Lance's Birthday)... dropped out of school... dated a girl and getting her pregnant... more on that later.
My last attempt on my life was October 28th, 2006... right before my fathers passing... Had I not been so drunk I would had shot myself (I couldn't load the gun.)...
My biological father... (we had been astranged by circumstances out of our control)... had heart surgery and came to live with us... he pasted away December 21st, 2006...in our home.
January 20th, 2007 I was delievered from depression... I woke up the next day and for the first time that I could remember I didn't want to die... my family said there was a physical change... I even quit drinking... along with a lot of other things.
At the end of Febuary, 2007, my cousin had gotten herself in some trouble with drugs and DHS took her children... 4 girls... two stated with their father... the younger 2 we didn't want to see go into foster care (their father was in prison at the time), so we brought them to our home... this was tuff for my cousin... she came to resent us for it... and since the return of her girls it has been difficult to have any kind of relationship.
Our older son broke up with our grandchild's mother before he was born... he wanted nothing to do with her... or the baby... we did... he was born Sept. 19, 2007... his mother took him back to Arizona when he was two months old.
January 23rd, 2008 I had relapse with drinking... hit the back end of semi... major... God forgave me!! He let me live!!... And in turn I chose to draw even closer to Him.
March 13th, 2008 Mike's company just up and shut its doors... he was able to get job... less pay... gas prices went up... groceries... etc... Fighting to keep up on house payment...
September, 2008 our grandbaby's mom decided to bring him for a visit... after staying with us for a couple of weeks she decided to move back here... later found out it was because of a new boyfriend... who she moved in with... grandson showing signs of abuse... started to keep record... they took off to Florida... 34 days later I got phone call... our grandson had been beat to death... his older brother had witnessed the whole thing...
Like I said I don't bring this up for pitty or sympathy... because... God was with me!!! He did what it was going to take for me to come to the FULL ~ FINAL decision that I want Him... need Him... and I know with the best of my ability that He loves me and I am His!!
I do not yet know the plans God has for our astranged son, or the relationship with my family... But I know He is working it out for the greater good and when it's time he will reveal it to us...
I spent most of my life without a reltionship with my real father, before he past, I was able to spend 6 wonderful weeks with him... I wanted more than anything to be loved by him... and I had spent years believing that he didn't love me... God gave me the time and opportunity to see that differently... And the chance to witness to him... my father turned his life over to Christ before he died... I was there to witness it!
His death forced me over the edge... I hated my life and the fact that I could not seem to end it... I drank and druged to self medicate... I would only sleep a couple of hours at a time... always drug induced... I was tired of being tired!!! I had no other choice but to hand my life over to my Heavenly Father...On January 20th, 2007 I gave God ALL my broken pieces and then He was able to fix me... I went FACEDOWN... Laying at His feet EVERYTHING!!! Do you know that when you have horrible things to face in life you are given the ability to see and know how wonderful the good things are?!!! I thank God He has shown me what it takes to see when I am heading back into a life of ungreatfulness and selfeshness. I feel blessed to see and know Him!! I AM BLESSED!! Do you know what happens to a person when they come to realize they are loved after years and years of not knowing it?
God blessed me with the ability and resources needed to care for my cousins children... and I know He opened doors there that other wise were shut... This too is a part of His great plans... and I continue to pray that eyes be opened and the right choices be made in the lives of my family.
It can still be hard when things pile up... and if you are not careful you can and will end up going back to the old habits of your sinful nature... I know... I have been there... I started my day off like I had everyday for a year... reading devotions with my family and putting on my armor... I even went to prayer group... I had many things on my mind... the girls... my grandson... my cousin... my son... my mother... everything but what I was doing... before I knew it I had been to a least four bars and it had gone from from 11:00am January 22nd to 2:15am January 23rd, 2008... I was leaving a bar talking to a 'friend' of mine who asked if I would be o.k. to drive home... famous last words... 'I am fine'... I got into the van got going down the road and realized what I had done... I cried out to God in tears... told Him I did not want to be here anymore... and I asked Him to do what it would take to get me to stop!! I turned and looked on the passenger seat and there was my bible from earlier... I picked it up in my hand and turn to face the road again... There 10 feet in front of me was a semi stopped at a train track... I was going 55 mph... God said STOP! (I still have my bible... the outside cover missing)... Again God saved my life... I saw miracle after miracle as my body healed... This in itself is a long story... maybe I will share it sometime later...
I have learned that I may not see His grand plan all carried out in someone elses life, I may only be a step towards it... This being the case with our grandchild and his mother... I was give love by God to love her... I still love her... I can only say this because of the love HE has given me... This young man who beat our grandson to death... I truly have no hate for... this only can be because of HIS love for me... My prayers are that his eyes be opened to Gods love for him and the demonic forces around him loose their hold... our grandsons life is worth that... And knowing the blessing that it is that our grandson is no longer suffering from his abuse... he is in the arms of God!! God heard my prayer to do what it would take to keep him safe... He did what it took...
The death of our grandson just took me even deeper into my relationship with the Father...
We are now in present going through a forecloser... God has provided a different home for us... one that is closer to our work and our church family... when this is done we will not have the debt hanging over our heads... God is removing the financial stress we have been under and bringing peace... And I am learning that He can work so much more in my life if I don't have these worldly stresses hanging over my head...
With that said, I now need to work on loosing the 25 pounds I gained when I quit smoking... then I think I may just about be perfect... LOL!!!!! No really... then I pray that I be open to the next thing He wants to change in me... Look how well He has been doing... why would I even want to go back to trying my way...
Oh, Father please continue to do what it takes to keep me in line with your grand plan... And also for my brothers and sisters in you... giving us the strength to get through the facts of our lives and look towards the grand plans You have for our lives... Amen!!!
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