I am not a goat!!

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."              
Proverbs 28:13
Definition of prosper:
1 : to succeed in an enterprise or activity; especially : to achieve economic success

2 : to become strong and flourishing
transitive verb: to cause to succeed or thrive

To SUCCEED!! Yes... Now thats what I am talking about!!! This little verse says volumes to me...
This week I was faced with the reality of my past... And to be honest with you... I didn't handle it as well as I should have... at first anyway... Within a 10 minute phone convesation I went through my past as though I was there living it again... The thoughts of old flashed brightly in front of me... REGRESSING... or so I thought... the thoughts of how my very existence was a terrible burden to everyone... I seem to do nothing but bring pain to everyone I love or care about... It was ALL my fault... I was the only one who could change it... and until I changed... (I was being told this and even getting caught up in believing it)... Then... BANG!!! It hit me!!! Change!!! I AM CHANGED!!! I may not be who I need to be... but I sure am not who I was!!! I am CHANGING... right at this very moment!!! God reminded me of my vision of the goat... it's big eyes looking up at me as a multitude of hands were laid on it... it's eyes first pleading for help... then panic... then turning wild... loosing all control and wildly trying to break loose... running into the woods... banging into the trunks of the trees...
20"When Aaron has finished making atonement for the Most Holy Place, the Tent of Meeting and the altar, he shall bring forward the live goat. 21He is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites~ ALL THEIR SINS~ and put them on the goat's head. He shall send the goat away into the desert in care of a MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK. 22The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and THE MAN shall release it in the desert."
Letiticus 16:20-22
SCAPEGOAT!!!!
I AM NOT A GOAT SO I BETTER QUIT ACTING LIKE ONE!!!
If I take on the sins of everyone... duh... I AM NOT THE MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK!!! And if I try to be... for one I will be that wild goat banging into trees... and two what am I saying to my Father who created me... and to His Son... who by the way was... is... and will always be the MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK!!!
Thank-you JESUS!!! Yes!!! I have Jesus!!! Unlike before, my eyes are open... I know He did this for me... I never was, am not, nor will be the scapegoat!!! How crazy!!! How insane!!! Really, think about it... can it be possible to sin by taking on everyone's sin?.... Oh, PaPa I am so sorry for making it all about me, for taking on a task that was never meant for me, for trying to be more than I am. And words cannot say how awsome you are... how greatful I am that You gave Your only Son for the task... how greatful I am that You, Jesus gave Your life for us... For opening my eyes to see... I have You!!!... If I did not I would be that goat... the pittiful drunk... looking for love in all the wrong places... trying to end my life... turning to the worlds way for comfort... back to the hell... NO!!!!
Your Mercy... OH YOUR MERCY... YOUR MERCY IS ENOUGH!!! Your Mercy falls over Your children... over me... the sheep who was lost... but now is found!!! Father, God open our eyes to see... we are not goats... give us the strength we need to quit acting like one! To succeed... to prosper!!