Leave the ducks for Dad. (This is not for duck lovers! But it is laughs!)

Years ago Mike's (my husband) dad built a pond in his backyard... every spring ducks would come... see the water and want to stay... This caused many problems... I mean serious problems... because they poop... they poop everywhere... they would mess the deck up in one afternoon... and the pond... the fish... they would die. Mike's dad would always get 'rid' of them... About 10 years ago he died... And getting 'rid' of the ducks was left to Mike... Now here is where the story really starts....
Mike's grandma moved in with his mom... she was 92... it was spring and the ducks were making their selves right at home in the backyard... The deck was still slippery for the winter and grandma being grandma, was concerned about those ducks getting into the pond and killing the fish... so she would go out on to the deck with a broom and a loud voice everytime a duck would land in the backyard... I did say the deck was slippery... well this was not good... so mom asked Mike to come over and get 'rid' of the ducks... because grandma was going to fall and break her hip if she went out there again... So we went over to get 'rid' of the ducks... right away grandma put 2 pots of water on the stove to boil... Mom told Mike what gun dad always used... a 22... Mike it and sat down in front of the patio doors crossed his legs and aim at the female first... shot and aimed at the mallard... the mallard stood up to see why his mate had just slumped over... the bullet slicing across its breast plate... it to dropping to the ground... Mike and the boys them walked out into the yard to retrieve the ducks and bring them in for grandma to 'fix' them... Well... you know that mallard?... Lance walked right up to it a reached down to pick it up... it was playing possum... it jumped to it's feet with a big quack startling Lance, knocking him off his feet... the duck saw this as his oppertunity to escape, flapping it's wings as it went running across the yard... Mike and Logan went running after it... Lance as Lance took a stick and poked at the other one before he went to pick it up... Mike had gotten ahold of the mallard and quickly snapped its neck and the bird went limp... and told Lance to take both birds around to the side door to the basement... the neighbor from across the way had hear the commotion came out and seen what was going on... went back in... and came back outside just as Lance was nearing the corner of the house... He was angry... his vocabuary informed us of that... he yelled, telling us he was a member of Ducks Unlimited and he had called the DNR and the police and they would both be there shortly... I could feel the panic rise up in my chest... Mike spoke up trying to keep the boy's from getting scared... he told the man o.k. and we would wait inside for them to show...
Mike told Lance and Logan to take the ducks down to the basement sink... he turned to grandma and told her to turn off the stove... did I mention she is 92 and very hard of hearing?... After repeating to grandma to turn the stove off for the 4th time... grandma then wanted to know why... then who was the DNR... then... a loud quack from the basement and a scream, a crash, the another quack and a few more screams... I ran to the top of the stairs and looked down... a duck (the mallard w/the lives of a cat) waddled past... Lance waddling after it... and Logan after Lance (if you can picture this, just spead your feet about 2 feet apart, squat, put your elbows on your knees and try to walk...)... the a loud thunk... quacking stopped... screaming stopped... then loud QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!!! More screams.... duck waddling back in opposite direction past stairs, then Lance, then Logan... duck had banged right into closet door in basement... knocked itself out for a moment... so again gone into shock... not sure there... anyway I guess you would have to ask the duck... oh wait you can't...
The boys were in still in somewhat of a panic and to be honest so were Mike and I... we really hadn't been in to much trouble with the law before and never with guns... but we decided it would be best if we showed a good example to our children if we told the truth and faced what ever consequences we had to face... that seemed to calm them down some...
Mike finally took care of the duck... just in time too, the DNR and the police had just arrived... after explaining to grandma why they were there, for the 3rd time... they then turned to Mike and stated 'She can't hear us can she?'... So Mike explained what he did and why he did it... They explained that it was illegal to shoot a fire in town and kill a duck out of season without a license... Then he looked straight at Mike and said, "We have to take the gun... you used a BB gun right?..." He was shacking his head yes and with out thinking both Mike and I started shaking our heads yes too... "I will need the gun... do you still have the BB you used?"... We froze... thats when Lance spoke up and said yes... it was in the basement and he would get it... and he went down and got Mikes BB gun from when he was a kid!! I stood there not even sure what to do... The officer then continued to talk and walk us through various things... Logan had disapeared... finally after telling us we would be fined and would have to go to court to find out how much he told us we would have to give him the ducks... Mike went down to the basement and got the plastic bag he had wrapped the ducks in and handed it to the man... he felt the sack carefully and then said there was only 1 duck... and he was going to take it out to the truck and be right back in with papers we would have to sign... Mike and I said nothing... we just stood there staring at each other... Lance had disapeared along with his brother... The officer returned, papers in hand... Mike signed them and he left... at which point both Mike and I heard sobbing coming from the basement steps... there sat both boys, crying... Logan spoke out first "He is going to open up that sack and find out there were 2 ducks!"... then Lance, "Yea, and then he is going to cut them open and find out I lied and it wasn't a BB gun!"... Again Mike and I could do nothing but look at each other... After some hugs and reasuring them it was going to be alright, Mike tried to explain to them that the officer really did know the truth, but he didn't want to see daddy get into really big trouble when he didn't mean too... Lance was old enough to understand this a little and he thought thats why the officer was so weird when he asked for the gun... As the the looked up to brother he was within minutes he had gotten Logan calmed down too. We walked back up the stairs and into the kitchen and there stood grandma hands on her hips, disgusted look on her face as she spoke, "THEY TOOK OUR DUCKS!!" We tried to tell her what had happened... she said yea.. yea.. she knew all that... but WHY DID THEY TAKE OUR DUCKS?!....
Like the mallard this story isn't done yet... The day of court... Mike's 2 uncles, his mom, and his grandma all went with us... They had all agreed Mike was not going to pay the fines when he did it for his grandma... As Mike went before the Judge, they had different people there to represent the Ducks Unlimited, prosecution, DNR, etc. the Judge listened to the case... then grandma got up and walked right up to the Judge... no one said anything... I mean what do you say to an old 92 year old woman who is 'waddling' up to the Judge? Everyone stopped talking as she spoke up, "Judge, my grandson did this for me and if you give him any fines I am going to pay for it. And if he has to spend any time in jail, he can't he has got a family and he has to work. I am 92 and I don't have anything better to do so I will go for him." And she turned back around and went and sat down... The Judge was the first to speak "I will fine him the minimium he can be fined..."
After that we decided 'DAD' was the best at taking care of the troublesome ducks... But grandma sure knew how to talk to a Judge!
Could there be a lesson to be learned here?
Believe it or not this story IS NOT MADE UP!