Conditioning...

The other day Logan and I had drove over to Deerwood to see a baseball game... On our way out of the park I noticed there were two girls walking along the side of the road. One of them had a paper plate from a hotdog... just then a big just of wind came up, pulling the plate right out of the girls hand. Both girls screamed (as girls do) and followed the plate with their eyes as it went up over the top of them and flew about ten feet behind them until it landed on the ground. Then thats when I heard His voice 'Pay attention, you are about to see something happen.'
The girls both looked at the plate, one even slowly starting to walk towards it... you know how you get a sense of some things? Well I got the sense that both of these girls had been taught not to litter... and had they been just a year or two younger they would have raced to see who could grab the plate first... but there they both stood, turning and looking at each other, then at the plate... As I passed them I looked in my rear view mirror to see what was going to happen... This pulled at my heart strings in great hope they would do the right thing, and I found myself praying they would pick the plate up (I know it sounds strange). My heart leaped with joy as I saw one of the girls walk over and pick the plate up. Instantly the urge to pray for the girls deepened and I became aware of why...
Ever find yourself in a 'pickle' and looking around at the situation and wonder, 'How did I get into this mess?'... I have!! And it wasn't sometime that just happened... I conditioned my self right into it... at sometime long before it happened, instead of 'picking up the plate', I decided it wouldn't be so bad if I just let it go... Let me explain it differently...
When these girls were younger they would have picked the plate up right away, without any hesitation... And if you told them someday they would be thinking of littering, they would tell you 'NOT ME!'... But as it would be over time... whether peer pressure, laziness, embarassment, etc. they both looked to see what the other was going to do... they stalled from doing what they knew was right... this time one of them decided to step up and pick up... what about next time... What if I was to tell them that someday they would get a fine for littering...
"PAY ATTENTION!!" I hear Him whisper. "OPEN YOUR EYES!!" He revealed to me how important it is that I stay 'on top of things' so to speak... Watch and pay attention to the little choices I make that can lead to the big mistakes...
PaPa open my eye's... keep me alert... do what ever it takes for me to stay close to You...  

Pray for who?

"Pray for us. We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way."
Hebrews 13:18
Pray for us!! I love this!! There have been so many times in my past that I have thought that if I asked for prayer for myself it was a sign of weakness or even lead to believe that it was selfish... So what of it?!? When I am weak is He not strong? And I am learning to that to LOVE GOD & love others, I must love myself!! Should we not ask for prayer for the ones we love? And loving your self IS NOT SELFISHNESS!! Selfishness is complete opposite of caring about self... I mean think about it... When I am being selfish (Yea, I have been known to be, believe it or not.) I am wanting satisfaction RIGHT NOW, at any cost, not thinking of any consequences for not just others, but myself... When you think about it really it is sad... the statement "She is just so selfish. She doesn't think about any body but herself." No not really! But I guess it is a lot shorter than... "She is always wanting instant gratification, never thinking about what it is going to do to herself or others down the road." Whoever wrote Hebrews knew that needing prayer was important! So much so that they state "PRAY FOR US"... Not a question but a statement! Understanding that I am "only human" and I am "weak"... I need prayer! Not just for myself alone, but with the knowing that I will be of no good to the kingdom if I am not doing well. I often say, " One of the most unselfish things I can do is be selfish." Now you could take that wrong if you want to, but really think about it... when I am truly thinking of myself, my health and well being in it's fullness... only then can I be used to glorify His kingdom and all it's fullness. But I need to remember to look at it in the big picture of things... to first Love God~Love others... I must first love self... I am sure... I cannot love myself without first being loved by my PaPa Himself! O.K. I am sure I have come full circle around that one... Back to my point... It is not about me... It is about Him... I am His... I put Him first by seeing and knowing He created me... He loves me... He knows and wants the best for me... and that means I need to act like I believe that... by trusting HIM... listening to HIM... to best take care of me.
It is about HIM!! HE created you! He loves you!! He knows and wants the best for you!!! Trust HIM... listen to HIM... to best take care of you!!!! Be weak!! Need prayer? Don't ask... just make the statement "Pray for me!" Not only does it benefit you... but the ones who prays for you... and the ones who don't... but first and foremost it gives all the praise and glory to God... God with us!! My great I AM!!
As 'leaders' we can sometimes get set in the thinking that we need to show everyone we can 'handle' everything... and we sometimes put on masks to hide how we are truly feeling... I see the enemy loving this because we are keeping things 'in the dark'... the outcome is never good... it can make things harder for ourselves and others... bring things out 'into the light'... I believe people need to see we 'leaders' struggle... but we really can be 'leaders' by showing them what we do when we struggle...
"Remember your leaders, who spoke the Word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith."
Hebrews 13:7
I want people to see when I fail, but through faith in Him win... Not the prideful attitude... I don't fail, only to loose and people to see. Where I lead... do I want others to follow? Hmmmm... Oh PaPa, we need your help! Show us how to be great followers of Your Word so we may become great leaders of Your Word!! Equip us with everything good for doing Your will! And work in us what is pleasing to You, through Jesus Christ, to whom be all the glory for ever and ever!! Your grace be with us all!! Amen!!

Leave the ducks for Dad. (This is not for duck lovers! But it is laughs!)

Years ago Mike's (my husband) dad built a pond in his backyard... every spring ducks would come... see the water and want to stay... This caused many problems... I mean serious problems... because they poop... they poop everywhere... they would mess the deck up in one afternoon... and the pond... the fish... they would die. Mike's dad would always get 'rid' of them... About 10 years ago he died... And getting 'rid' of the ducks was left to Mike... Now here is where the story really starts....
Mike's grandma moved in with his mom... she was 92... it was spring and the ducks were making their selves right at home in the backyard... The deck was still slippery for the winter and grandma being grandma, was concerned about those ducks getting into the pond and killing the fish... so she would go out on to the deck with a broom and a loud voice everytime a duck would land in the backyard... I did say the deck was slippery... well this was not good... so mom asked Mike to come over and get 'rid' of the ducks... because grandma was going to fall and break her hip if she went out there again... So we went over to get 'rid' of the ducks... right away grandma put 2 pots of water on the stove to boil... Mom told Mike what gun dad always used... a 22... Mike it and sat down in front of the patio doors crossed his legs and aim at the female first... shot and aimed at the mallard... the mallard stood up to see why his mate had just slumped over... the bullet slicing across its breast plate... it to dropping to the ground... Mike and the boys them walked out into the yard to retrieve the ducks and bring them in for grandma to 'fix' them... Well... you know that mallard?... Lance walked right up to it a reached down to pick it up... it was playing possum... it jumped to it's feet with a big quack startling Lance, knocking him off his feet... the duck saw this as his oppertunity to escape, flapping it's wings as it went running across the yard... Mike and Logan went running after it... Lance as Lance took a stick and poked at the other one before he went to pick it up... Mike had gotten ahold of the mallard and quickly snapped its neck and the bird went limp... and told Lance to take both birds around to the side door to the basement... the neighbor from across the way had hear the commotion came out and seen what was going on... went back in... and came back outside just as Lance was nearing the corner of the house... He was angry... his vocabuary informed us of that... he yelled, telling us he was a member of Ducks Unlimited and he had called the DNR and the police and they would both be there shortly... I could feel the panic rise up in my chest... Mike spoke up trying to keep the boy's from getting scared... he told the man o.k. and we would wait inside for them to show...
Mike told Lance and Logan to take the ducks down to the basement sink... he turned to grandma and told her to turn off the stove... did I mention she is 92 and very hard of hearing?... After repeating to grandma to turn the stove off for the 4th time... grandma then wanted to know why... then who was the DNR... then... a loud quack from the basement and a scream, a crash, the another quack and a few more screams... I ran to the top of the stairs and looked down... a duck (the mallard w/the lives of a cat) waddled past... Lance waddling after it... and Logan after Lance (if you can picture this, just spead your feet about 2 feet apart, squat, put your elbows on your knees and try to walk...)... the a loud thunk... quacking stopped... screaming stopped... then loud QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!!! More screams.... duck waddling back in opposite direction past stairs, then Lance, then Logan... duck had banged right into closet door in basement... knocked itself out for a moment... so again gone into shock... not sure there... anyway I guess you would have to ask the duck... oh wait you can't...
The boys were in still in somewhat of a panic and to be honest so were Mike and I... we really hadn't been in to much trouble with the law before and never with guns... but we decided it would be best if we showed a good example to our children if we told the truth and faced what ever consequences we had to face... that seemed to calm them down some...
Mike finally took care of the duck... just in time too, the DNR and the police had just arrived... after explaining to grandma why they were there, for the 3rd time... they then turned to Mike and stated 'She can't hear us can she?'... So Mike explained what he did and why he did it... They explained that it was illegal to shoot a fire in town and kill a duck out of season without a license... Then he looked straight at Mike and said, "We have to take the gun... you used a BB gun right?..." He was shacking his head yes and with out thinking both Mike and I started shaking our heads yes too... "I will need the gun... do you still have the BB you used?"... We froze... thats when Lance spoke up and said yes... it was in the basement and he would get it... and he went down and got Mikes BB gun from when he was a kid!! I stood there not even sure what to do... The officer then continued to talk and walk us through various things... Logan had disapeared... finally after telling us we would be fined and would have to go to court to find out how much he told us we would have to give him the ducks... Mike went down to the basement and got the plastic bag he had wrapped the ducks in and handed it to the man... he felt the sack carefully and then said there was only 1 duck... and he was going to take it out to the truck and be right back in with papers we would have to sign... Mike and I said nothing... we just stood there staring at each other... Lance had disapeared along with his brother... The officer returned, papers in hand... Mike signed them and he left... at which point both Mike and I heard sobbing coming from the basement steps... there sat both boys, crying... Logan spoke out first "He is going to open up that sack and find out there were 2 ducks!"... then Lance, "Yea, and then he is going to cut them open and find out I lied and it wasn't a BB gun!"... Again Mike and I could do nothing but look at each other... After some hugs and reasuring them it was going to be alright, Mike tried to explain to them that the officer really did know the truth, but he didn't want to see daddy get into really big trouble when he didn't mean too... Lance was old enough to understand this a little and he thought thats why the officer was so weird when he asked for the gun... As the the looked up to brother he was within minutes he had gotten Logan calmed down too. We walked back up the stairs and into the kitchen and there stood grandma hands on her hips, disgusted look on her face as she spoke, "THEY TOOK OUR DUCKS!!" We tried to tell her what had happened... she said yea.. yea.. she knew all that... but WHY DID THEY TAKE OUR DUCKS?!....
Like the mallard this story isn't done yet... The day of court... Mike's 2 uncles, his mom, and his grandma all went with us... They had all agreed Mike was not going to pay the fines when he did it for his grandma... As Mike went before the Judge, they had different people there to represent the Ducks Unlimited, prosecution, DNR, etc. the Judge listened to the case... then grandma got up and walked right up to the Judge... no one said anything... I mean what do you say to an old 92 year old woman who is 'waddling' up to the Judge? Everyone stopped talking as she spoke up, "Judge, my grandson did this for me and if you give him any fines I am going to pay for it. And if he has to spend any time in jail, he can't he has got a family and he has to work. I am 92 and I don't have anything better to do so I will go for him." And she turned back around and went and sat down... The Judge was the first to speak "I will fine him the minimium he can be fined..."
After that we decided 'DAD' was the best at taking care of the troublesome ducks... But grandma sure knew how to talk to a Judge!
Could there be a lesson to be learned here?
Believe it or not this story IS NOT MADE UP!

Out of my mind!!

13"If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, that therefore all died. 15And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.
16So from now on we regard no one from a worldy point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone the new has come! 18 All this from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has commited to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: be reconciled to God. 21God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.
6As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. 2For He says,
In the time of my favor I heard you,
and in the day of salvation I helped you.
I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation."
2 Corinthians 5:13 ~ 6:2

This morning I rode my bike into work... I love to ride down by the river!! I just feel so blessed and free... But I am quite sure that people think I am out of my mind... It is the look on their face as I ride by them with a big smile and a cheerful "GOOD MORNING!" that gives it away... or it could be my big granny bike with a basket on the front, pinwell sticking out of it, bandana blowing in the wind, pant leg stuck in sock, singing aloud with a voice that God must love (because His hasn't stopped me from singing and He hasn't changed my voice yet), and then, at last but greatest a little bike license plate off the back seat stating "Jesus loves me". And then it hits me... 2 Cor. 5:13... oh my... I am being at this very moment His living word... whoa!!! Not doing anything spectacular or grand... just simply ridding my bike to work... How awsome is that!! I can do this because of Him... I am happy because of Him... I share it because of Him... CRAZY!?! I don't know... maybe... but I look at it this way... people thought I was crazy before and I was unhappy... people think I am crazy now and I a happy... so no matter what someone is going to think I am crazy... and only He can make me happy... I love the way I am now... the way He made me... oh... here its goes again... happy brings on happy brings on happy... get the picture... why do we always define insanity as a bad thing... Isn't insanity repeating the same thing over and over again... oh yea I forgot... EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT... I am doing the same thing over and over and getting better and BETTER results!!! I guess to the world they may be a little insane!! Good thing I am not from this world!!! Oh... PaPa!!! Thank-you!! Thank-you!! Thank-you for the blessing of being out of my mind!!! And with it a new creation, bringing FREEDOM, HAPPINESS, and BOLDNESS to let you shine through!! Give me the strength and courage I need to continue my "insanity" in You!! Bless all of Your children with this "Insane Love" (You love me... I mess up... You love me... I mess up... You love... I mess up... You Love me... etc. then one day... hmmm different result!!  And the world calls this insane!! I call it ... our deliverance... Salvation!!!...wonderful... Thank-you for Your "insanity"!! And not giving up on us!!) and give us all the courage to show it to others!! Because today may be the day You will use us for Your favor and the day of salvation for another!!! ALL the glory is Yours!! Well I am off... heading back home that is... to my earthy home... on my bike... down by the river... AMEN!!!
Singing.... "I am a promise! I am a possiblity!! I am a promise, with a capital P!! I am a great big bundle of Potentiality... And if I listen I can hear God's voice... and if I'm trying He'll help me make the right choice!!..."  O.K. I am going....

I am not a goat!!

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."              
Proverbs 28:13
Definition of prosper:
1 : to succeed in an enterprise or activity; especially : to achieve economic success

2 : to become strong and flourishing
transitive verb: to cause to succeed or thrive

To SUCCEED!! Yes... Now thats what I am talking about!!! This little verse says volumes to me...
This week I was faced with the reality of my past... And to be honest with you... I didn't handle it as well as I should have... at first anyway... Within a 10 minute phone convesation I went through my past as though I was there living it again... The thoughts of old flashed brightly in front of me... REGRESSING... or so I thought... the thoughts of how my very existence was a terrible burden to everyone... I seem to do nothing but bring pain to everyone I love or care about... It was ALL my fault... I was the only one who could change it... and until I changed... (I was being told this and even getting caught up in believing it)... Then... BANG!!! It hit me!!! Change!!! I AM CHANGED!!! I may not be who I need to be... but I sure am not who I was!!! I am CHANGING... right at this very moment!!! God reminded me of my vision of the goat... it's big eyes looking up at me as a multitude of hands were laid on it... it's eyes first pleading for help... then panic... then turning wild... loosing all control and wildly trying to break loose... running into the woods... banging into the trunks of the trees...
20"When Aaron has finished making atonement for the Most Holy Place, the Tent of Meeting and the altar, he shall bring forward the live goat. 21He is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites~ ALL THEIR SINS~ and put them on the goat's head. He shall send the goat away into the desert in care of a MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK. 22The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and THE MAN shall release it in the desert."
Letiticus 16:20-22
SCAPEGOAT!!!!
I AM NOT A GOAT SO I BETTER QUIT ACTING LIKE ONE!!!
If I take on the sins of everyone... duh... I AM NOT THE MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK!!! And if I try to be... for one I will be that wild goat banging into trees... and two what am I saying to my Father who created me... and to His Son... who by the way was... is... and will always be the MAN APPOINTED FOR THE TASK!!!
Thank-you JESUS!!! Yes!!! I have Jesus!!! Unlike before, my eyes are open... I know He did this for me... I never was, am not, nor will be the scapegoat!!! How crazy!!! How insane!!! Really, think about it... can it be possible to sin by taking on everyone's sin?.... Oh, PaPa I am so sorry for making it all about me, for taking on a task that was never meant for me, for trying to be more than I am. And words cannot say how awsome you are... how greatful I am that You gave Your only Son for the task... how greatful I am that You, Jesus gave Your life for us... For opening my eyes to see... I have You!!!... If I did not I would be that goat... the pittiful drunk... looking for love in all the wrong places... trying to end my life... turning to the worlds way for comfort... back to the hell... NO!!!!
Your Mercy... OH YOUR MERCY... YOUR MERCY IS ENOUGH!!! Your Mercy falls over Your children... over me... the sheep who was lost... but now is found!!! Father, God open our eyes to see... we are not goats... give us the strength we need to quit acting like one! To succeed... to prosper!!

More Powerful than hell!

With Easter just passing... I... like most people tend to think a little more on His death and resurrection with a little more intensity... The thoughts of how much He did for us becomes so overwhelming that I am brought to tears... o.k. I know that doesn't take much... well over the last few months the Holy Spirit has really been working on me with understanding His true power and greatness...
17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches if His glorios inheritance in the saints, 19 and HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER for us who believe. That POWER is like the working of HIS MIGHTY STRENGTH, 20 WHICH HE EXERTED IN CHRIST WHEN HE RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD...
Ephesians 1:17~20a
You know how you can know something... even know it well... or so you think... and then BAM!!!! God just knocks you up side the head with a new revelation of it?.. Or even refreshes something you have forgotten... Well thats what happened!! He revealed to me HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER!! Last year at this time He showed me a smidgen of the hurt and pain that Christ felt at the time He cried out "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"... the thoughts of that... He was ALWAYS with the Father... and the Father was ALWAYS with Him... then suddenly they were parted... overwhelming thoughts... ones I know I can not truly fully comperhend... and then this year... He asked softly... "Do you know and truly understand the power it took to reach into hell and pull Him, My son, Christ Jesus out?" WHO? WHO can do that?!? OUR FATHER!!! Thats WHO!! He is the ONLY one with that power!!! Satan and his followers won't even be able to do that!!  WOW... what more can be said?... HE DID THIS FOR US!!! AMEN!! PRAISE BE TO GOD!!! With the power to reach into the depths of hell to save us!! TO HIM ALL THE PRAISE AND GLORY!!! YES!!! His power is that great!!! And I am HIS... Satan and his followers CAN'T touch me!! Sould my physical body parish... I get to go home with my Father!! PaPa reveal Your power to us... open our eyes to Your incomparable greatness... filling us with with Your confidence... and strength to take our stand against the enemy!! With You for us... who or what can be against us? What hold can death or even hell have over us? Oh.... what can express the graditude... I feel...

I am a "testimony" to His great love!!!

Where would I be if it were not for Christ? The following list is not made to get pitty or sympathy... just to state facts to establish the grand plan of it all...
In the last 4 years my family has been through some major life changes:

Our older son Lance, moved away from home... not a leaving the nest thing... but with anger and bitterness (my mother took us to court... March 14th, 2006... Lance's Birthday)... dropped out of school... dated a girl and getting her pregnant... more on that later.
My last attempt on my life was October 28th, 2006... right before my fathers passing... Had I not been so drunk I would had shot myself (I couldn't load the gun.)...
My biological father... (we had been astranged by circumstances out of our control)... had heart surgery and came to live with us... he pasted away December 21st, 2006...in our home.
January 20th, 2007 I was delievered from depression... I woke up the next day and for the first time that I could remember I didn't want to die... my family said there was a physical change... I even quit drinking... along with a lot of other things.
At the end of Febuary, 2007, my cousin had gotten herself in some trouble with drugs and DHS took her children... 4 girls... two stated with their father... the younger 2 we didn't want to see go into foster care (their father was in prison at the time), so we brought them to our home... this was tuff for my cousin... she came to resent us for it... and since the return of her girls it has been difficult to have any kind of relationship.
Our older son broke up with our grandchild's mother before he was born... he wanted nothing to do with her... or the baby... we did... he was born Sept. 19, 2007... his mother took him back to Arizona when he was two months old.
January 23rd, 2008 I had relapse with drinking... hit the back end of semi... major... God forgave me!! He let me live!!... And in turn I chose to draw even closer to Him.
March 13th, 2008 Mike's company just up and shut its doors... he was able to get job... less pay... gas prices went up... groceries... etc... Fighting to keep up on house payment...
September, 2008 our grandbaby's mom decided to bring him for a visit... after staying with us for a couple of weeks she decided to move back here... later found out it was because of a new boyfriend... who she moved in with... grandson showing signs of abuse... started to keep record... they took off to Florida... 34 days later I got phone call... our grandson had been beat to death... his older brother had witnessed the whole thing...
Like I said I don't bring this up for pitty or sympathy... because... God was with me!!! He did what it was going to take for me to come to the FULL ~ FINAL decision that I want Him... need Him... and I know with the best of my ability that He loves me and I am His!!
I do not yet know the plans God has for our astranged son, or the relationship with my family... But I know He is working it out for the greater good and when it's time he will reveal it to us...
I spent most of my life without a reltionship with my real father, before he past, I was able to spend 6 wonderful weeks with him... I wanted more than anything to be loved by him... and I had spent years believing that he didn't love me... God gave me the time and opportunity to see that differently... And the chance to witness to him... my father turned his life over to Christ before he died... I was there to witness it!
His death forced me over the edge... I hated my life and the fact that I could not seem to end it... I drank and druged to self medicate... I would only sleep a couple of hours at a time... always drug induced... I was tired of being tired!!! I had no other choice but to hand my life over to my Heavenly Father...On January 20th, 2007 I gave God ALL my broken pieces and then He was able to fix me... I went FACEDOWN... Laying at His feet EVERYTHING!!! Do you know that when you have horrible things to face in life you are given the ability to see and know how wonderful the good things are?!!! I thank God He has shown me what it takes to see when I am heading back into a life of ungreatfulness and selfeshness. I feel blessed to see and know Him!! I AM BLESSED!! Do you know what happens to a person when they come to realize they are loved after years and years of not knowing it?
God blessed me with the ability and resources needed to care for my cousins children... and I know He opened doors there that other wise were shut... This too is a part of His great plans... and I continue to pray that eyes be opened and the right choices be made in the lives of my family.
It can still be hard when things pile up... and if you are not careful you can and will end up going back to the old habits of your sinful nature... I know... I have been there... I started my day off like I had everyday for a year... reading devotions with my family and putting on my armor... I even went to prayer group... I had many things on my mind... the girls... my grandson... my cousin... my son... my mother... everything but what I was doing... before I knew it I had been to a least four bars and it had gone from from 11:00am January 22nd to 2:15am January 23rd, 2008... I was leaving a bar talking to a 'friend' of mine who asked if I would be o.k. to drive home... famous last words... 'I am fine'... I got into the van got going down the road and realized what I had done... I cried out to God in tears... told Him I did not want to be here anymore... and I asked Him to do what it would take to get me to stop!! I turned and looked on the passenger seat and there was my bible from earlier... I picked it up in my hand and turn to face the road again... There 10 feet in front of me was a semi stopped at a train track... I was going 55 mph... God said STOP! (I still have my bible... the outside cover missing)... Again God saved my life... I saw miracle after miracle as my body healed... This in itself is a long story... maybe I will share it sometime later...
I have learned that I may not see His grand plan all carried out in someone elses life, I may only be a step towards it... This being the case with our grandchild and his mother... I was give love by God to love her... I still love her... I can only say this because of the love HE has given me... This young man who beat our grandson to death... I truly have no hate for... this only can be because of HIS love for me... My prayers are that his eyes be opened to Gods love for him and the demonic forces around him loose their hold... our grandsons life is worth that... And knowing the blessing that it is that our grandson is no longer suffering from his abuse... he is in the arms of God!! God heard my prayer to do what it would take to keep him safe... He did what it took...
The death of our grandson just took me even deeper into my relationship with the Father...
We are now in present going through a forecloser... God has provided a different home for us... one that is closer to our work and our church family... when this is done we will not have the debt hanging over our heads... God is removing the financial stress we have been under and bringing peace... And I am learning that He can work so much more in my life if I don't have these worldly stresses hanging over my head...
With that said, I now need to work on loosing the 25 pounds I gained when I quit smoking... then I think I may just about be perfect... LOL!!!!! No really... then I pray that I be open to the next thing He wants to change in me... Look how well He has been doing... why would I even want to go back to trying my way...
Oh, Father please continue to do what it takes to keep me in line with your grand plan... And also for my brothers and sisters in you... giving us the strength to get through the facts of our lives and look towards the grand plans You have for our lives... Amen!!!

Whatever!!!

8"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable~ if anything is exellent or praiseworthy~ think about such things. 9 What you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me~ put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."        Philippians 4:8-9
Why is is so hard to do this kind of "Whatever"? Most of the time I get to the point where I just want to throw my hands up in the air and shout out "WHATEVER!!!" but in my heart it is far from the whatever that is talked about in Philippians 4:8. I struggle with the 'giving up TO GOD' and the 'giving up'. Why? Flesh... maybe? Oh... I just wish I could somehow throw my sinful desires of the flesh right out the window!!... Thing is I know when I truly start to think of the 'whatever' of Christ Jesus my Lord and Savior I immediately come to the peace He brings... why do I choose to hang on to the 'whatever' of the flesh so long?... And the longer I hang on it the worse it gets... I just get deeper and deeper into my own self... selfishness... self-pity... puffing myself up with the pride of my own self-righteousness... I might as well just make myself up a big sign to wear that says "ME UGLY!!" Because that is exactly what I am being!! Yep... I can see it now... in big letters "ME UGLY TODAY!"... fine print saying "Shelly has choosen to be untrue, unnoble, wrong, unpure, unlovely, unadmirable, and far from exellent or worthy of any praise. She has choosen to take everything she has learned, received, or heard about how to behave and tossed it to the wind. And decided to continue to practice the old behaviors she was once accustom to."
Not pretty... But that is the truth... Ouch!!!
Father God I need You! Please give me the desire to be Your kind of 'Whatever' and give me the strength and courage I need to put it into practice... Father God please do this for all Your children... Do 'Whatever' it takes to draw us closer to You!!! All praise and Glory be to You!!! Amen!!

One Day Closer!

There are some days that just seem to have no end... and I am tempted to wonder what might happen next... and in my old life I thought I pretty much planned on the day getting worse... But this is my new life... I have a beautiful relationship with my Heavenly Father, my Creator... Creator of EVERTHING!!! And when I think of that fact it becomes very clear to me that He has promised us that He will take care of our enemies... He brought them in and He will take them out... And today is just one day... One day closer to going home... One day closer to my enemies demise... Think about that... I mean today is just one day... One day closer our begining... and one day closer to the devil and his followers ending... no wonder he works so hard at causing us strife...
So today I am putting on the full armor of God!! And I am Standing firm!! Because my struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authories, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Eph. 6) And I am a child of the One and Only God... whose Son suffered and died for my sins... so I have Victory over these things... (1 John 5:4-5)
To God be the Glory for ever and ever!!!! I Praise Him!!!! I am on my way home!!!

It's Happening... It's Really Happening...

I don't know how much I will be writtting in my blog over the next month or 2. I am goingt to be very busy packing and moving... Over the weekend I helped my best friend move into her first "Home". I haven't moved in 6 years... believe it or not I forgot what it was like to move... I so bad have to get organized!... And I had a lot of stuff when I moved in 6 years ago... do you know how much stuff you can collect in 6 years?!... I need to have a yard sale!... And I think I will be spending the next 3 weeks sorting/packing...
But really I truly have nothing to complain... GOD IS WITH US!!! There is just so much peace with all of this... Have you ever felt that way?... I sure hope you have... It is so awsome... there is really no words to discribe it... maybe... 'a peace that passes all understanding'... now where have I heard that before?... And you know that feeling that a 'bomb' may drop that I was feeling... boy did God ever so lovingly 'slap' me up side the head and say "Am I not giving you what you asked for?"... Then it hit me, like it most always does... DUH!! Yep, He is giving me everything I have asked for... and as always, even more!... A very dear friend said to me today... obedience is faith worked out... I know this but you know how you sometimes forget?... And then it hit me again... obedience is faith worked out = things work out with obedience... OBEY!!!... AND WATCH GOD WORK!!!... PRAISE GOD!!! With His help I am doing that!!!
I have very fine THIN hair... and I often say 'God is so busy working on me that He doesn't have the time to count to many hairs on my head... I have come to a new thought about the matter... I keep obeying Him... He may have more time for a few more hairs on my head... OH WOULD THAT JUST BE SO AWSOME!!!... In fact I think I even feel a few poping through my scalp now!!!
And now it is time for me to put that faith into action and get to packing!!! Thank-you PaPa for all you do... continue to bless us... give us the wisdom & discernment we need... the strength & courage to carry it out!... Praise be to You!!!!

Thoughts of moving...

Over the last few years our family has been changing... making different choices... setting new priorities... Thoughts are changing... even desires... five years ago we would have thought anyone was nuts if they would have said we would be WANTing to move into Waterloo... little alone the 'east side'... did I mention,we will be moving to Waterloo April 1st... I am so excited I can barely contain myself... beyond the usual even!!!
When I was growing up we moved a lot... I mean A LOT... the was one school year I went to 5 different schools! I went from Cedar Falls, Ackley, Greene, North Cedar, back to Cedar Falls, Waterloo, back to Cedar Falls, etc... But for the most part we ended up in Cedar Falls... None the less this really put a lot of desire to see/want my own children to grow up in one place. I was in hopes that they could experience making lifetime friends, knowing them from kindergarden up... growing up together... just having that ... stabbility...
Then Lance... our oldest... he moved away at 16 and never even finished school...There are many issues facing the departure of Lance... One of which is his dropping out of school... This was just one of the disapointments... I took this hard... And I had it set in my head this would never be the case for Logan... Well... Never say never... No Logan is not dropping out... 2 months ago we knew we would be moving... but Logan WOULD be open inrolling at Dunkerton... well... that two is being prayed about... and we are excited to see the route we will be taking...
And that brings me to the whole point of writing this... I got to tell you... I really thought that this "move" was going to be challenging... I mean with all the circumstances... the foreclosure... peace... when we have to be out... peace... where will we go... peace... But, there was this part of me that just kept thinking that God was going to really test us in our trust in Him... I continuely had been thinking I will trust Him... no matter how difficult it gets... and waiting for it to get difficult... I will trust Him!!!... Now don't think I am saying poor me here... but I do have to say the last 3 years have been full of trusting Him... in the mist of very diffcult situations... and I really was thinking that would be the case here... expecting it!... and to tell you the truth I think deep down I still may be thinking it... this is so bad..... God is opening up doors like you wouldn't believe!! Things are happening so smooth... I think I may even be still waiting for the 'bomb' to drop. I know I should be thanking & praising God... and I am... but as bad as it is... I feel like I am not doing it whole heartedly like I should because I keep thinking... that this is just to easy and not challenging enough... why would God make it go so easy... sounds so crazy doesn't it? What 'lesson' could He possibly be teaching me? What is it I should be learning?
Oh, wow! What if that's it?... What if He is just doing it without any challenge or struggle to go through! Does He do that? Why am I alway thinking that I have to go through a struggle to get anything from God? I am I the only one who struggles with this? Could it just possibly be that He is not expecting me to do anything... and just wants to show me not everything has to come with a struggle? Could that really be possible?? Why am I struggling so badly with the lack of struggle?? I am facing this in even more personal struggles... is it part of my old self that is so negative?? Is it a 'need' or do a dare say... could it be an addiction? Do I need to surrender my need to struggle??
Oh, Father please help me to believe! Show me the truth...Open my eyes to see! Give me peace about all the peace! Help me to except this! Remove the fear I have of this or any other changes in my life that are happening... So that I may openly, full heartedly praise You! I trust You! I do, please help me with my untrust!! PRAISE BE TO THE FATHER THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT!!

I love you... BUT...

What does it mean to say I love you in Christ... But I really don't like you... Does that even make sense? Is that even possible... And to be honest with you I have never read anywhere in His Word that justifies that statement... Yet I hear it out of the mouths of my brothers and sisters all the time... And I struggle with it myself. 1 John 2:9-11 states that if I am in the light I can not hate my brother... and what is dislike? it is not the same as love... you can not love and dislike someone at the same time!!! And when it is one brother/sister in Christ stating it to another... 1 John 2:6 says if we claim to live in Him we need to be like Him... I never heard of Christ ever making a statement like that. He wants us to hate sin, but love the sinner. I believe that Christ has died, buried, and rose again for me, as well as everyone else... And I believe that once we accept that we redemed and become righteous... Not because of what we did... But because of what He did... and at that point we are no longer sinners but saints... (I understand that doesn't mean that we no longer sin... I look at it like a runner... a runner runs everyday... runs marathons... conditions himself...etc...  Now I am no runner... but I can run!).
So now if we are to hate the sin but love the sinner... what more should we be for our brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus? And how can it be comforting and incouraging to hear from a fellow brother/sister in Christ that "I love you in Christ, but I really don't like you." My mind races of into so many different direction with this... It makes it sound like it is a chore to love... its not... it's a gift... it makes it sound like we do it only because it is required of us... it's not it is a choice... Col. 3:3-4 says Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all virtues put on love, which binds you together in perfect unity... How can one say they love you, but don't like you and there be unity? Don't misunderstand me in my words... unity does not mean we have to agree with everything every brother/sister in Christ does... boy would we be in trouble if we did... but the opposite of unity is diversity and think about that... I can not love and dislike someone at the same time!! That is diversity... and we are only decieving ourself if we think we can do/have both.
So next time I feel like I can't stand to be around someone... especially one of my brothers/sisters in Christ... I pray that God remind me that it is one or the other... it can't be both... it is walking in light or dark... It is a choice... It is a gift... do I choose to accept it or decline...
I can not change the way someone feels about me, but I can change how I feel about them... and if I choose to love... then there is no room for dislike... and with that can I love them enough to let my frustations of their behavior go?...accepting them for WHOSE they are and not who they are?... and can I get my priorities in proper order?... putting the commandments of Christ first and LOVE with my heart, soul... and MIND?
I pray for a change that is pleasing to God... Not of my own or others... but God. Oh, my PaPa I ask of you now to lead me and direct me... humble me where I need to be humbled and help me to stand my ground where my enemies are... for I know in my heart that your love brings unity... please help to believe this in my mind... freeing me of any bondage from the enemies of this dark world is scheming for me... not setting myself up to be a scapegoat... Letting your love flow like a river through me... pouring out unto others... giving ALL PRAISE AND GLORY TO YOU!!! Keep me from making the same mistakes of my past... and letting you lead and direct my future... For it is ALL ABOUT YOU!! PRAISE YOU JESUS!!! Remind me my rewards in pleasing others are NOTHING compared to my rewards for pleasing You!! Taking anything that my enemies meant for destruction and death making it Your victory and eternal life!! I thank-you for loving me regardless of my flaws and failures and creating in me a new heart and right Spirit. Thank-you for opening my eyes to see what You love means and giving me take love to love others.

Peace in the snow

Over the last few weeks I have been suffering with a very painful back... It started with my shoulder... At least I thought it did... but after a week of pain meds and mucle relaxers I realized it probably started with my lower back and then worked it's way up. I bring this up only because of the memory of what I did that caused the whole thing anyway... I was told not to share this with anyone... for the simple fact that I would justify anyone's belief that I am a airhead... But its just so... so... powerful... and so fitting to me and my personality... so here it goes... you can even laugh if you want... I did... once I figured it out...
It all started with a snow storm we had last month...I can't remember which one, so you can pick one... you have many to choose from LOL!... Anyway I got home from working at church and the snow had drifted up the drive (AGAIN!)... Mike and Logan were not home and the snow was to deep to drive through... I had no choice but to shovel... Now, I have a little bit of a back issue (2 back sugeries)... so Mike doesn't like it much when I do something I probably shouldn't... but I really felt I had no choice... I couldn't just leave the car out in the road... the blade might come by and bury the car completely... So I prayed about it...
I grabbed the shovel and when to the end of the drive and started shoveling... and praying... talking to God... just enjoying myself... Out here in the country I have the luxury of talking out loud to God and no one but God hears me (well, almost no one... maybe a few wild animals and some birds... and of course my dog Lochsanna... but she is used to it)... It was wonderful... Awsome in fact!... So I am taking my sweet time as I moved the snow from the drive over to the big snow bank, when I notice... little peace signs... all over in the snow... now if you know me, you know how truly awsome I think this is!!!... Well... I looked down... walking in circles... just amazed... then I wondered, how did those get there... and thinking... WOW, GOD YOU REALLY ARE TRULY AMAZING!!!... Then it hit me... I lifted up my foot to look at the bottom of my new boots... sure enough... There were peace signs on the bottom of my boots!!!... I could almost hear God laughing... and I am sure I entertained a few angels... But the best part was hearing that still small voice saying... "My peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you..." John 14:27
O.K. maybe I should have known that my boots had peace signs on them... they definitely screamed 'Flower child'... Tye-dye and happy face all the way...  And after all I had looked at them at least 4 or 5 times before I bought them (I was waiting for them to go on sale)... But that too only ended up being a realization from God... His peace is always with me... even when I don't notice it... even before a snow storm... even through a snow storm... even after a snow storm... Praise God for His peace!!!... Praise God for His comical way of showing me!!!... Praise God for His Joy!!! And praise God for His healing of me!!!... And I praise God for the strength and endurance He is giving me while I am waiting...  PRAISE GOD!!!!

Tears

I weep. I mean I really weep... alot. I can tear up at just about anything... no lie. I cry when I am sad... I cry when I am happy... I cry when I am confused... tired... angry... upset... you name the emotion and I can cry you right through it. I have even cried because I cry! I have been that way ever since I can remember. If God is holding my tears like he did King David's... I probably am responsible for a big ocean in Heaven! When I was delivered of my depression January 20th 2007 I thought for sure I wouldn't cry as much... I think I cry more! But I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life! Infact I would even go to say it is my crying that keeps me happy. Now when things get me down (notice I said down, not depressed), I come to a point where I just can't function... then I cry... cry out... cry out to Jesus... and then... Wow!! Gone!! Tears of Healing! Just like that! And when I get so overwhelmed by joy... I can't contain it... I get to bouncing... my hearts feels like it is welling up and about ready to explode... I have a terrible urge to hug anyone and everyone (I call this my syco Walmart greeter mode)... then I burst out into tears... Tears of joy! Just like that!
Growing up this became a very big problem... I mean think about it... If you only knew how many times I was told to 'quit acting like a baby'... 'stop crying and get over it'... 'you whine about everything'... etc.. etc... etc.... Oh how this completely devastated me... I mean I felt it coming on... the tears would well up... I would get a terrible painful lump in my throat... and then... you guessed it... I would start bawling... I cry so much I do that inhale/skip/inhale thing... I have even burst blood vessels in my face from crying... And the harder I try stopping it the worse it gets. I would try and explain this to others and couldn't... so many see it as a sign of weakness... and/or depression... All negative. It was a very difficult thing for me to deal with then... But now.......
Now I see it as so many different things... all possitive... When I cry I feel better! I cry to Jesus out of my weakeness... and He gives me strength!! I cry out to Jesus with my praise and He brings me joy!! The Bible doesn't say that Jesus ever did the inhale/skip/inhale thing... but it does say He wept!! And when the Bible talks about how He sweated blood in the garden... I understand... that can and has happened since... I have cried out to God in such intense that I have burst blood vessels in my face... no lie...(Once was praying for a husband who would love me... this was about 21 years ago... Mike and I have been married 18 years with a 2 year engagement... go figure...). God has shown me how important my tears are... they are a gift... Wow!!! A gift! I was even told, just recently that tears can be a sign of the Holy Spirit working inside you... I thought about that... I think it could very well be true...
I found over 30 scriptures in the Bible just about tears!!  2 Kings 20:5 says God sees our tears and will heal us... Esther 8:3 Esther used her tears to 'put away' the 'mischief' of others... Job 16:20 "My friends scoff at me: But mine eye pourth out tears unto God..." Oh and did you know that they used to put their tears into a bottle to store them up for God? (Ps. 56:8) And King David was at a place where he had no bottle and asked God to store them for him (You know King David, the man after God's own heart!)... Ps. 126:5 "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy!" (Awsome!!!)... Oh and then in Luke 7 there was the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears (How did Jesus respond about that? Huh?)... Acts 20:31 talks about how Paul served the Lord with his tears... 2 Cor. 2:4 Paul uses his tears to express his love... 2 Tim. 1:4 tears bring joy (AGAIN!)... Heb. 5:7 tears of thankfulness...
O.K. I think I have probably made my point... Now what are you going to do?... Go cry about it? LOL!!!
As I close this out I am... you guessed it... welling up with tears! Praise God!! Oh... my tears express what my words cannot say!! May you cry and be filled with joy!!! Love you all!!!

I Know! Iknow!

"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." James 4:17 NLT
Do you supose some of those "ought to"s are times when it is hard to? Or we are to busy to? Or we just can't afford to? Or are all those just excuses for we just don't want to?
I know I need to improve on this! But I also know I have come a long way. But I know a big part of that started because of a change in additude. And yes I am talking about mine, not anyone else. I got real with myself! I took the time to really look at who I really was. I mean really, not what my mom said about me, not what my dad said about me, not what my husband, kids, or anyone. Not even what I said about me, but what God says about me!
Once I got that truth comitted into my memory, I then came to realize that this is true for each and every one of His children. Which by the way can be just as hard for me to believe as it is about my self some days. But it is truth! I then too comitted that fact to memory.
Now with these to truths, I then came to realize that I no longer could look at anyone in pitty, as less fortunate, or below me. I got to tell you the difference this can make in relationships with people and our ability to fulfill our purpose and tell others the secret of the gospel. When you treat the homeless looking man with raggy clothes, greasy hair, smelly breath, and toothless smile the same way you treat your best friend; they notice!! I know, I knew who was just pittying me when I was struggling... and I didn't believe anything they told me... Even when they told me Jesus loved me... But when one of them grabbed me, hugged me (real hug, not pat on the back hug), and then told me I was loved!!! I listened. And you know what, that person meant it. I know he is know one of my best friends!
I have a goal, and that is to love people, to really love them! and then share the Good News with them. And to really love them is to be equal to them.... and I can't pitty them, or think of them as less fortunate, that only belittles them...they know...just like I knew... learn to be real... And once you do that you will want to do it again and again and again... and every once in awhile you will be blessed beyond what you could ever imagine!! I was with Eugene.... As I am with many others...

Walls, Floors and Ceilings

Logan got in trouble at school yesterday... Not anything really big I guess... but boy did it send me into a whirl wind of panic! Thing is I realized after Judy looked at me and stated, "It's not about you." that I didn't need to be in the panic I was in. Here was Logan in trouble at school, and the first thoughts went to the trouble I had with the school for Lance and with my drinking, I didn't set such a great example as a mother... And what would they think of me now? Yeah, it wasn't about me, but I sure made it that way. All I could think about was how was I going to face the school... I popped out of gear and instantly went back to my 'old life' and my old way of thinking... How quickly I forgot what God has done for me... And first off, Logan is different than Lance.... Home life is different now than before... I am different than before... And futher more... I am not even really sure what they do think of me... and even if they think what I thought they thought of me, what does it really matter... I am not who I used to be...and truth be known, I am not even what I thought they thought I was.... Did you get all that? LOL!
So lets get back to what it is really all about... Logan... He is a normal teenager.... he has moments of not thinking (O.K. so you don't have to be a teenager for that)... yesterday was one of those moments... hanging with his buddies.... nothing to do... mind racing.... stupid ideas (I think at this point he may have thought that it may not be such a good idea and he may get into some trouble, but he dismissed it)... they decide to have some one go up in the ceiling and bang on the pipes to scare everybody... guess who volunteers... yep, Logan went through the ceiling... I had to ask the teacher 3 times... He did what?... He was where?... Are you sure it was Logan?... Yep, Logan...
He is going to have to serve detention, and it will go in his file...  But I don't even think I have to meet with the school... And if I do, I know God is with me and I am not who I was!
But I have come to this advice... For us both.... And for yourself if you need it....
When your back is against the wall, stand firmly on the floor, and what ever you do don't go through the ceiling!!
"Use every piece of God's armor  to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that  after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness." Ephesians 6:13-14

Just Gene!

I am writing this post not to lessen the pain of others, but just to get out my thoughts about Gene and what he met to me. To talk of the building of a great yet short relationship. And to hopefully express the grand plan that was set into motion by none other than our creator. I am only going to start with when I came into the picture, but I want to make known it started long before that!
I met Gene right before I started working in the office (July, 2009), it was not known by a lot of us at church because he only came in during the weekdays (Monday-Wednesday-Friday) for community service. (Pastor Judy and her friend Sue... Sue works for Cedar Valley Care Services, she asked Judy if he could do his community service at the church.) Shortly after Dennis had gotten out of jail and needed to do some community service, so I picked him up on my way in... It becomes something so grand when I look back, God is so awsome!!! He took the convsations that Dennis and I had and opened Gene up after years and years of pain and suffering... Dennis and I really have nothing to do with it, it was all God! But God did use us for His purpose.
One day I was opening up a classroom for Dennis to clean, he looked at me and asked me how I could forgive the people that hurt me so bad... I had no choice but to tell him the truth... I told him God took it from me. And I refused to hang on to it any more. I came to a point where I realized I was staying a victim if I did. I had to give it to God. I had a opportunity to invite me to church! I listened and obeyed!! I asked, he said he would come, but buses didn't run on Sunday and services couldn't bring him. I told him I would look for ride for him.
It isn't a easy task to find someone at church who for one even drive, two has a car, three isn't burned out from driving so many others, and because of the distance away he lived... It took awhile, it came down to Pastor George picking him up in the morning, and we would run him home after service... OH he was so happy!! After about 2 times there was a Sunday George didn't get him picked up (he was so busy), Gene called me and said he was sitting at the window waiting like a puppy in a pet shop. George didn't forget him after that. LOL!
Then there came a Monday that Gene told me that after Judy's sermon he really wanted to go up to the front (alter call) but he was afraid to go up by himself. Dennis said "Well... if thats why you didn't I will go up with you!" So funny!!! All week, he spent talking about how he was going to go up to the front on Sunday, and Dennis said he would go with him! Sunday came, He said he was nervous... we comforted him and told him it would be alright... I don't think he was even able to listen to the sermon Judy gave that day!! LOL! But OH, I tell you what, the Holy Spirit didn't let that stop what was happening, and that day... OH that day... there were so many that came to Christ!! For some reason I remember to music still being played... my heart was singing!! Tears were running down my face... and then... here came Gene Gene up the center isle, holding Dennis's hand... once up front he went down to his knees right in front of Judy... Dennis got down with him... and prayed with him!!! Oh, it was so beautiful!! I still am crying... with JOY!!! Oh, it was awsome!!
Next came his baptism... Again Gene Gene was very nervous... again Dennis said he would go up with him if he wanted him to... He even told him he would get in the tank with him if he wanted!!! LOL!!! God was shining through Gene that day... He was smiling.... really full of joy... You could see it... I will never
forget!!!
He wanted to read his bible more often but he said it was to small of print... so guess what we got him for Christmas... Yea we got him a large print bible! And he did use it? Yep he did!! There was one night he called me and he was worried on whether he had did the right thing or not... He had a couple of men come to the door and ask him if they could come in and talk to him about his faith... He told me he had told them no... was that o.k.?... Just a little earlier I was reading in 2 John... I was driving and couldn't remember exactly what it said so I made him look it up and read it to me... 2 John verses 4-11, take note of verse 10 "If anyone comes to you and does not bring His teaching, do not recievehim into your house or give him any greeting,..." I asked him what he thought about that. LOL!!! He said it was like it was talking to him!!! LOL!!!
And just recently, about 3 weeks ago I think, we were in class, I don't remember which one, but I was seeing by him and he told everyone he was laying in bed the night before and he was talking to God, and he forgave the people who had hurt him!!! Remember that first question he had asked me?!!! Yea, I teared up... Isn't God awsome!!!
Gene Gene is living proof!!!! I feel so blessed to just be a short part in his life!!! I have no regrets!!! And just knowing that obeying my Father played such a important part in his death... Praise be to God!!!!
Now I ask for the knowledge and depth of insight needed in building those same bonds with Gene Gene's family. And may God give me the strength and courage to carry that out!!! Praise be to God!!!

Last and First

Where to even start... Last night Dennis had called me to let me know Gene Gene wouldn't answer his phone... Dennis talks to Gene everyday... he always answers his phone... I called, no answer... You ever have that feeling deep in your gut that something just is not right... Well I guess Dennis and I knew then... we found out this morning that they found Gene Gene about 9 pm last night... He has gone home before us...
Gene Gene... he did community service here at the church, when I first met him he was not much of a talker and very... I mean VERY slow... When Dennis started doing community service is when things started changing... Dennis being Dennis, got on Gene Gene right away... calling him slow, telling him to speed up, and believe it or not Gene Gene took a liking to Dennis, and Dennis to Gene Gene... After some time Gene Gene started asking questions about forgiveness and wanting to know it he could be happy like we are... Dennis told him if he came to church he would sit by him... We got Pastor George to pick him up on Sunday mornings and we would take him home... about the 3rd Sunday Gene Gene wanted Dennis to go up front with him for an alter call!!! I was crying so bad!!! Then a couple of weeks after that he went and got baptized!! This all has taken place in the last few months!!!
He is with the Father!!! It has made it there before us!! He was one of the last workers to be in the Vineyard... Matthew 20:1-16 Sums it up... It is all so bitter sweet... Our brother has gone to be with our Father. We will miss him... but even grander of a thought is knowing the plan God laid out for him... I mean this is just so awsome... he came to know Christ so recent!! And now he is with Him!!
I have so many great memories of Gene Gene... Dennis accused him of brown nosing me once... Gene Gene turned and looked at him and stated "It's my nose!" OH I laughed so hard!! He spent Thanksgiving with us... He would sneak me in gizzards... the way he called Dennis "Old Man"... His voice deep and friendly... and his smile... Yes there is no doubt in my mind he is with our Father!

I am not alone!

I have a friend who just recently 'recomitted' his life to Christ. Over the last few weeks he has been really into reading the Word, more than he has in the past. I talking when ever he gets a chance... when he is at church, in public, or alone. I am so excited for him!!! Even right now I feel myself bursting with joy at the thought of it! It is a wonderful thing to see! And I have had to laugh! Oh the joy He brings to all of us!!! I just got to share some things that have happened for him. There was one day when he was struggling with his anger and needed some direction and help with it, so he asked a group of us for some help with it. Mike mentioned that Proverbs was a good place to start. Right away he wanted to know where in Proverbs... well I asked him what the date was... It was the 15th... so I told him to look up Proverbs 15. He eagerly when and looked it up.  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh  words stir up anger" Proverbs 15:1 He looked up eyes wide and said "Whoa, did you plan that?" All of us laughed, "Oh, yeah we knew you were going to be stuggling with anger today and planned it all out for you." Isn't God great!!! This week he got so into reading the word, he has missed meetings, meals, etc. Now he wants to know if that is normal? I just looked at him and smiled. Oh the joy it is to see the joy God is bringing others! Well I don't know if it is normal or not, but I have the same things happen to me, and I know the Joy he is feeling!! It's just so exciting!!! Thats what His Word does!!! I know!!! That is how you keep your Joy!! The last 3 plus years I have not gone 1 day without reading His Word! I also have not gone 1 day without His Joy in my heart!! There have been days I have not read as much as others, and believe me I know by the end of the day! What a difference from who I was, to who I am now!! I have a true relationship with Him. A close relationship with Him!! And everyday I continue to stay in His Word, is one more day I am letting Him know how much He means to me!! I am not saying this to brag about myself and what I do, truly I tell you this to let you know what He has done, is doing, and will do in all our lives!!! Any meaningful relationship we have with anybody, is based on a daily conection with each other. And everyday I spend with Him... Oh how I love Jesus!!!! whether these things/feelings are normal or not, I do not care!! I will not exchange Him for anything!!! And it is so awsome to see that same Joy and feelings in anyone else!! It is like experancing it for myself, double, tripple, etc... It's like loving your children so much and you don't think you could love athem more, then when they have children.... Whoosh!!! You love them more and their child too!! Just no way to explain it or put it into words!

This is only a test.

O.K. Here I am Lord! Take this from me! LOL! What a time I am having... Burnt arm, back out of wack, got some bug that has me trying to decide if I need to walk to the bathroom, or run, then my pants! LOL! On my way in this morning my leg felt funny... my pants ripped... I am now walking around church, or running with one hand trying to cover a hole, back twisted, bathroom to far away, arm rapped up tight... Praise God!! This is so much comedy... At some point you just come to realize, this is just to much, and it can only be the enemy, I love it!! You know as decieving as he can be, he just can't help himself, if he can't get your attention he will just keep going and going... it can become rediculous!!
Now I bring this up not because of the need of sympathy or complaining... No I bring it up for much grander purposes... Praise God!!! And I mean that in everyway!!! There was a time in my life where one of these happenings would have distroyed me, my day, my week, maybe even my month. But now... BUT NOW... WOW!! I look at it so differently... I mean really... It is about Him... And what He has done for me... What He has done~ does~ or will do for any of us... I still have JOY... His Joy... Crazy huh? Crazy is as crazy does... 1 Cor. 5:13 Here is what is happening in my head... I went to my PaPa and He kissed the bobo burn on my arm all better...my back, well if I wouldn't spend so much time dreaming of heaven and chasing butterflies through fields and fields of wild flowers with Baylee (my grandson)... my pants, well lets just face it, its funny, one of those moments that 'could only happen to me' that we all seem to experience a thousand times in our lives... But the catcher is, I choose to praise God!! And He is the one who gives me Joy... And even when my pain is at a breath stopping point, I can still look to my Lord and Savior, and His promises for me, His love for me... and BAM just like that HIS JOY and a smile on my face... OH how wonderful He is!!! Tears of Joy well up deep inside!!! To think there was a time where I would let this Joy be stolen from me... Not today!!! Not ever again!!! There is nothing that will keep me from His love NOTHING!!! Romans 8:31-39 ~ Try to read that and not well up with confidence that He loves you!!! VICTORY!!!!
And at that moment in my day when I was wondering what was going on... Wondering where He was.... Was He still with me.... I was reminded, I have a choice... what will I do... The thought THIS IS ONLY A TEST... And I am going to see it through... A open book test... I will know if I pass by my fruit...
Galatians 5:22-26~ Yea!!! Praise be to God!! The Holy Spirit is in control!! I know by the fruit!! May He continue to lead me in every area of my life. May He continue to lead in all His childrens lives. May He give us the wisdom, knowledge, and discernment we need to see His plans for us and may He give us the strength and courage we need to carry that out!!! Again PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!

How's The World Treating You?

This was the question I was asked at Logan's basketball game lastnight. I answered it with some quick typical response and walked off. But as was watching his game, the question kept poping back up in my mind. How is the world treating me? It then came to me, not to well. But why should it? I am not of this world. (Phil. 3:20) In this world I will have troubles! (John 16:33) The world Hates me! (John 15:18-19) In knowing this, I feel a sense of peace.
Oh, I needed to be reminded of that today! It is funny how things happen and continue to happen in our lives... the pains and sufferings of just everyday things or disapiontments... and though they happen they can loose thier sting as you come to the understanding of it... It looses it power!!! Awsome!!!
Again, His Word has proven to me to be Just and true! A constant reminder to me of the importance of staying in it!! He has given me the strength I needed, and with it all the gifts of the Spirit. (Gal. 5:22) And the power that comes with that is more than words can discribe!!! FREEDOM!!!!
Freedom in Christ!! I am heading for my bible and reading Galatians 5-6!!!
Praise be to God!!
My love for Him continues to grow!! And He continues to prove over and over again and again His faithfulness to me!!! As He does all His Children!!!

Who to pray for?

My heart was laid heavy with thoughts and prayers for many people yesterday, by the time I got home and relaxed and started just focusing on 'home' I realized it was 9:30pm and Logan was not home yet... I had forgotten, he had a game... I can't always make it to his games, but I do keep him in my thoughts and prayers as the day goes on... Today I had got so caught up in things... I just let it slip my mind. So I just quickly made a mental sigh, asking God to forgive me and ask that God was with him and hoped he played well. It was after 10 when Logan walked in the door. I could see on his face things had not gone well... after waiting awhile for him to say something, I finally asked him how things went. He didn't even look up "I didn't get to play." Oh, my heart just dropped. All the sudden things that had been happening in his life over the last few weeks all played out in my mind. A still small voice just simply stated "He needs your prayers now, he has stuggles that need your prayers too." Ouch!! Here come my tears... Logan does so well... I gave him to God a few years ago when I realized if I didn't I would loose him too... Everyone see him, and knows God has plans for him... He just goes along so strong that I forget to look and see how things are going... Now here I look over and see my son... hurting and struggling... How could I have missed all the happenings of the last few weeks... This last year Logan has made even grander stands in his faith, he has become bolder in his walk, even standing up with his words and actions. Even in the small town 'christian community' we are from, his boldness is more than they feel comfortable with. He once was favored and played oftened, now he is punished because he has to cut practice early on Wednesdays for youth group (Coach says his mom needs to get a different church, LOL! The youth group he goes to isn't even at our church, he goes to it because he want too!) He tells some of his 'christian' teamates that he would like to pray before the game (They tell him, no we will if we make it to state. LOL! Yea, right!). Coach finally tells him in can play in JV game on Saturday, he tells coach, can't I have "Way of the Master". Whats that? Coach asks. It's a evangelist course I am taking. (Don't need to go into coaches response there... lastnights game said it all.) My son who is making a stand... And I am sooo proud!!! He is making a stand for Jesus... And he is stuggling because of it... Oh my heart aches to see him have to go through this... but I am filled with such joy to see him make the right choices!! Father, please watch over and protect him... I know he is Yours, but he is my son...Thy will be done...
The Lord said to my Lord
"Sit at my right hand
until I put your enemies
under your feet."
Matt.22:44

No More Death

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'" Rev. 21:3-4
No more death!! Can you imagine that? Death is so much apart of our lives. Here on this earth there is no one who can escape death. To really grasp ahold of a time without death... can we really do that? Yet the earthly death that comes to us all, brings such pain and sorrow~ no one escapes it. How awsome it will be to have a day when there will be no more death!! To even think about it just boggles my mind! It is such a grand idea but with no example to follow... It is now just left up to faith... "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Heb. 11:1
NO MORE DEATH!!! I am sure there is going to come a day that there will be no more death!! Until then I with live by faith and saved by His grace!

A time to die

This last week has definately had it's earthly ups and downs. One being the earthly death of a son and brother of some of my sisters in Christ. A part of life that we all face at some time or another is death, and it is always a struggle for the living. What can be said or done to bring comfort to the loved ones still here? I don't think there is, not by our own means anyway. But it seems like we always try and attempt too anyway. We end up saying or doing so many ... well just plan stupid things. "He lived a good long life." How does that comfort her when she was married to him for 65 years and she is still here? "Well at least he didn't suffer long." Where were you when he was having his 3rd set of treatments of kimo in the last 6 months, that seemed like years? "At least he isn't suffering anymore." I know the thoughts of these comments are to try and ease some of the pain, but having heard them when I was one of the loved ones still here... I have come to a deep sense or need of being caring and careful about saying or doing anything in these matters. What can I say or do? Absolutely nothing!! But I know Who can!! And I also know that I must be 'in tune' with Him if He is going to use me. My heart has to be in the right place! I know the ones that helped me with my loses were the ones that didn't say anything to try and 'ease' the pain, they just cried with me when I cried, smiled with me when I smiled, and even laughed with me when I laughed... with that I truly saw the face of God through them. I want to be used that way by God! Less of me and MORE OF HIM!! He is the one who brings comfort! He is the one who can ease the pain! Him not me, but He can and will use me, if I let Him!! To Him be all the glory and power! Ohh sweet, sweet child how He longs to be your comfort and strength! After the beating of my 18 month old grandson, resolting in his death in March 2009 I know, I KNOW that the only true peace you can have is through God and His grace. I have Him my broken, BROKEN heart, and He now holds it!! There is a joy that comes to you when you let God hold your heart. It doesn't mean your pain goes away, but joy comes... joy comes in knowing... He has got you!!

Back again!

As I look at my past 3-5 years I am just amazed at all the things God has seen me through! There is never a day, or hardly even a moment that goes by where I don't thank Him for the grace He has given me! Even on the days that I don't feel like... well when I just feel blawh... I come to a point where I am just so blawh... and just to plain tired to fight, I can find myself stuggling less and less to come to that 'laying down of my burdens'. I am even learning to like those days, because of that lack of energy to fight... Praise God!! I think about this, if God would just allow things to let up a little... But then I realize that if things did I would become once again dependent on myself and my own strength. So I have to take a step back and really look at the happenings of my life as just as what is needed, God knows just what it will take for me to continue to lay everything down, to be facedown... at all moments... I can't even imagine how I could have made it without Him. And I praise Him during the stuggles, knowing He is with me always!!!

O.K. Here I am starting my own Blog... Wow! Where to start? Well to be honest, I put so much effort into getting it done I really don't know where to start with it! So... I am going to start with this: "'I tell you, her sins~ and they are many~ have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love' Then Jesus said to the woman, 'Your sins are forgiven.'" Luke 7:47-48 I have been forgiven! I want more than anything to share with any and every one who will hear, that Christ Jesus did this for me and He will do this for you!! I am going to attempt to share my thought s with you as much as possible. That is of course if I can figure out how I got here to write on this blog. LOL
Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Shelly